Accepting Reality

Since my first brain surgery in 2004, I had been living with a decreased hearing in my left ear and mostly depended on my right. Life was sweet. Normal, no worries. Nothing serious, simply put.

Fast forward to 2011, when my right hearing got affected, I was a total wreck. I turned into a total deafie in a span of 7 years. At first, I was scared and panicked when the tinnitus started in my right ear. It was too familiar. Deep inside, I knew I was going to lose it but a part was not ready to lose something that had been preserved for quite some time. 2011 was my second year in Poly and I quit soon after as written in my previous posts.

I began cracking my brain thinking about the next step to take to pursue my interrupted studies. Not without tons of meltdowns. At times, I’d find myself staring out the window in the dark, crying my hearts out and keep thinking “Why me?”. It’s clichéd but that’s the reality. I was stressed out, I feared the future.

I slowly regain my confidence and looked for options to continue my education. The concept of “Life goes on” hadn’t really sink in yet but I wanted to get things done. My dad bought me a hearing aid, which worked well for me at that time. Though I couldn’t really grasp every word a person said, I understood them by watching their body language and visual aids at school. I was happy with the written academic materials and thankful for my classmates who were willing to have me on board their learning journey despite my inability to have proper conversations with them.

I was still very sad and heartbroken but my mind was occupied with my schoolwork. The reality of being a hearing-impaired was a hard knock for me. I took a year (or maybe more) to really accept my fate with an open heart but I would be lying if I say I stopped breaking down over the same thing. Crying is one of my ways to let all the built-up emotions out.

When I held my roll of Diploma certificate, I had nothing but pride in my heart. I could go further but I decided that it was time I accummulate some working experience lest my hearing got worse. As I’ve mentioned in my Job-hunting series, my hearing did worsen and I couldn’t really land a proper job. Nevertheless, I managed to attain a few meaningful stints.

Gradually, I accepted my reality. It took a toll on my confidence and self-esteem but I guess I can finally see the meaning behind “Life goes on.” It’s not living life without problems; it’s living life with hurdles and finding ways to overcome them and, still be happy. 🙂